Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. She was a vegan and refused to touch me. It's always good to have some jokes in your arsenal, anyway, just to make an awkward silence even more awkward! Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila! What does a nosey pepper do? Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste. What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Enjoy our great collection of best funny corny jokes. A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
What do you do when your chair breaks? How do dinosaurs pay their bills? To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Sex is not the answer. So study hard and be evil. What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati? Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise. She ran away from the ball. My conscience is clean — I have never used it. Free free to laugh it out loud while reading.
A hard thing about a business is minding your own. The the handicapped man who stole my purse. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. What do bees do with their honey? I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
Can you give me directions to your heart? He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. They start out as milk, and it's up to women to mold them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. . Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back. Sir, she said, I would like my word to be comfortable. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone! A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. There are no winners in life…only survivors. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? He took them to a pignic. Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
If you had to specify, in one word, why the human race has not, and will never achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings. A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children. The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor? Canoe help me with my home 120. Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness. Watson go on a camping trip. A friend is someone who will help you move. My son has taken up meditation - at least it's better than sitting doing nothing.
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. A boy fell in a mud puddle. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins. A: I want a wii-match! Spirituality Jokes The Art of Meditation — You Have the Right to Remain Silent Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa? It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. It's bundled with your software. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Q: Why did the robber take a bath? So the man shoves the first one up and then a second one except he winced so they killed him. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.